(All We Are Asking is) Make Peace With Pants?

Consider this Part II of The Social Side Effects of Elbows and Knees. In that post, I discussed the modern Orthodox attitude (NOT Halacha) regarding modesty ("Tzniut"), particularly when it comes to sleeve and skirt lengths (aka "The Almighty Inch"). I promised to elaborate further on my views regarding girls wearing pants. Here is that promised elaboration.

This being a sensitive issue, I feel compelled to begin the same way I did in Part I, with a disclaimer that this WILL NOT be a discussion of Halacha, since there is no source in Gemara that states outright “females must not wear pants.” There are interpretations of Gemara which take that view. There are other interpretations which disagree. I am not discussing these opinions.

Furthermore, any views I express here are reflecting Halacha the way I was taught in school. These may not be the views you were taught in school, and I can’t help that. I will also restate that I think the Laws of Tzniut are a GOOD thing, especially in our world where ten-year-olds are wearing more makeup to school every day than I do to a wedding.

If The Almighty Inch didn’t get me yelled at, this one might. Because now we slip from a breach of modesty which may or may not be intentional to one that most certainly is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone accidently put on a pair of pants. But keep in mind that most of the comparisons I make, illustrations, and suggested "solutions" are meant IN JEST. 

Girls in pants. A great taboo in many Modern Orthodox circles, and yet I’ve never once gotten a satisfactory (Halachic) explanation of why. In terms of a social-practical answer of why long, tastefully-tailored pants are considered immodest when knee-length skirts are allowed, the reason (for me anyway) is pretty clear-cut. And for that I direct you once again to this image:

Simply put: when faced with these two women, which would you immediately assume is a religious Jew? And that’s it. The importance of being identifiable as an Orthodox Jew (and the pride that brings, if you have it) is the only (social-practical) reason I cannot argue with to wear long sleeves in the summer and knee-length skirts in freezing December.

But when it comes to the Halachic question of why I must wear leggings under static-clingy skirt to work instead of a nice pair of dress-pants, I am usually met with one of two answers: the first, because pants are Halachically considered menswear (aka Begged Ish), and the second, because pants are just plain immodest, showing off the shape of my legs in a way sure to attract attention from curious guys.

I will not discuss my opinions regarding these opinions (just be assured that I have them). Instead, I will tell you the story of the poll I took in my freshman year of college. I've always understood why skin-tight, short, leather, form-fitting, or translucent pants are not modest. For the same reason skin-tight, short, form-fitting, or translucent SKIRTS aren't modest. But I wondered if it was true that long, loose, Israeli-style or tailored-dress pants were really any "sexier" than knee-length or long skirts. This was my first time in a non-religion-oriented school, and I wondered.

So out of curiosity and over the course of a few months, I asked 100 guys in their late teens and twenties, of all different backgrounds, races, and religions, which they preferred on a woman, and which they found “sexier”: long, tailored pants or knee-length, tailored skirts? (Keep in mind I was not comparing tight jeans or miniskirts. In my opinion these are BOTH immodest for pretty obvious reasons).

The responses I got were diverse, but overwhelming. A vast majority of guys said they preferred skirts to pants, and over 90% agreed that skirts were “sexier”. They added comments ranging from brutal honesty ("because there's always hope for a gust of wind") to...well...

But those are just my findings on the subject. For all I know, other people think differently. All I could think after these finding though, was that clearly, I’m attracting more looks with a nice sun dress than with a pair of tailored trousers. And forget sweatpants. Most guys I spoke to agreed (in keeping with the "if it's comfortable you're not trying" rule of fashion) that sweatpants were about the LEAST attractive thing I could wear in public.

So what am I to do with this information? As a kid, I'd loved wearing jeans. Oftentimes I've started out for a long car ride or a field trip and wished I could just pull on a pair of pants. Not skinny jeans, nothing so tight as to exaggerate the truth, but just a pair of comfortable sweatpants that would allow me to ignore subway grates and sit Indian style on the floor. Which, as I and many other girls have pointed out, are REAL concerns of Tzniut in the modern world, and HAVE happened to everyone.

Subway grates and gusts of wind are annoying, but sitting Indian style is just plain infuriating to a lot of girls, especially those who went to Yeshiva or Jewish summer camp. And you know why? Because every trip, every kumzits, has a moment when the teacher or principal will require students to sit Indian style, in a circle, on the floor, making it unbelievably awkward for a girl in a modesty-approved jean skirt who winds up sitting across from a fifteen-year-old boy. 

On these occasions most girls will either hug their knees in a panic-like rocking position, or fold their legs beneath them and lean on one arm, a position which, believe me, grows very uncomfortable very quickly. And this would be no problem if they'd let us wear pants under our skirts. A LOT of schools, including ones I've attended, do not. (And no, tights do not accomplish anything.)

Typically, schools are prime example for "Tzniut rules that don't make sense," like the above Indian Style Rule. In my high school, the same no-pants rule applied, except for girls on sports teams during practice. Of course, sometimes a girl who had come to practice early would wander out of the gym into the hallway for a snack or something, and Heaven help her if she ran into one of the teachers on Tzniut duty. Meanwhile, of course, many girls would wear only skirts... of such a tight and slinky nature that they left absolutely nothing to the imagination (Yes, the ever-present "Hot Chani"). Sometimes, one of the more attentive teachers would call them out on this obvious breach of the true spirit of modesty, but other times...

I've seen this one happen more times than I can count. My problem is not with Halacha, but rather with the way some people who do not hold to these opinions are judged, and the sometimes arbitrary extent to which it is enforced. Take for example, the phys-ed trip.

On a school trip to Chelsea Piers, we came across another Orthodox group at the rock-climbing wall (we were allowed sweatpants for this one). Now, I'm sure you know that rock-climbing is not something you want to do in a skirt, and in fact, the instructor was arguing adamantly with the group's chaperone about the dangers such action would cause. And yet...

I DON'T CARE whether you swoon at the sight of sweatpants. That's just fine. But then don't take your girls rock climbing. Take them to another activity. To climb in a long skirt is DANGEROUS. And the same goes with ice-skating and swimming, both of which I've seen.

I suppose my point in all this is that while I respect Halacha and the opinions of others, it really boggles my mind when people are so bent out of shape about exact details when it comes to modesty. Considering we don't have one nation-wide rule when it comes to things like sleeve-lengths and dress-pants, I don't quite understand why people are then surprised when they see others don't hold to, or aren't familiar with, their personal standards. 

When it comes to dressing modestly for the sake of looking like an identifiable Orthodox Jew, honestly, I think that's awesome. I try my best to look Jewish every day. But as for long, loose pants being immodest, (even in regard to Begged Ish) I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. There, I said it. Start your yelling. You don't have to wear them. Just don't assume that those who do are therefore morally, or even Halachically, lax. 

And considering how many of my MALE friends complain about having to wear pants, you'd think they'd be open to a few breaches of fashion norm.

And so to these people, I offer the following solution, a trade which is sure to please absolutely no one. 

All we are saying is Make Peace with Pants. 

Springtime... Almost

Is it just me, or was there a hint of spring in the air today on Long Island? Although drizzly, it was far from bitterly cold. Then again, it isn’t like we received a full-blown white winter this year anyways. So if spring is starting early, but we never really experienced winter… does it make the start of the new season less special because it isn’t arriving as a shock of warmth?

I’ve always secretly envied people in southern regions; experiencing four seasons was never really my thing. Warm, warmer and warmest are the only temperatures I like. Even the promise of snow angels and hot chocolate can’t change my opinion. Last year, if I recall correctly, we experienced some major snow storms. I was shocked when we were finally greeted by the first whispers of springtime. This year, however, we were never snowed in and I wasn’t plagued by cabin fever. Springtime is a arriving as a slow progression, instead of a surprising smack in the face. I’ve never really been one for surprises, so I quite prefer this new arrangement. Philosophical question: Do you prefer quick, shocking changes in life, or do you prefer change to come slowly and surely?

Either way, I’m glad winter will be officially over soon. It is most definitely time for transformation. I’m graduating from college in three months, and change is in the air. I’m looking at what might be the last stretch of time I’ll still be living at home, and figuring out what the next step in my life will be. Like the flowers bloom, so does life.

Springtime in New York means Passover, the Macy’s flower show, dining alfresco, and browsing the Union Square open air market. I look forward to simply grabbing a book and reading on the grass in Central Park.

So relax, grab an iced coffee, and lie back on the grass. The first rays of springtime sunshine are just around the corner. Rejoice!

Nowhere to Go

Well, I’m at a loss. For once, I’m speechless. Honestly I have no idea what to say. School has kinda taken over my life and as such I completely forgot it was my turn until 9:30 last night aka 2 ½ hours till post time. Then I sat until 11 PM writing nothing of value and I gave up. I figured a late post is better than a terrible post, so I decided to give it another day to come up with something half-decent. Therefore, for the first time in my illustrious blogging career, I have missed deadline. It sucks, yeah, but I’m a bit of a stickler for quality and I refuse to put something out that I wouldn’t enjoy reading myself. The problem with this whole arrangement is that I’ve let it sit until today and I’ve still got nothing. I’m not quite sure what to do at this point, and even though I’ve been here before so this isn’t a totally foreign situation to me, it’s not like I can just write the same thing again. However, what got me out of that jam last time was simply typing my thoughts until something made sense, so I tried the free-writing thing for a while earlier this morning. However, after having spent nearly two hours writing line after line of unintelligible garbage, I’ve just come to terms with the fact that I have one of the worst cases of writer’s block I’ve ever had. At this point, a day late and with no more options, I don’t have a clue. So it begs the question, what do you do when there’s nothing you can do?

This is a question I’m sure all of you have asked yourselves at least once. When you’re backed into a corner and it seems there’s no way out, there’s a fear that takes over that’s often paralyzing. The first reaction is often to avoid dealing with it; there’s some place in your mind that convinces you that if you don’t deal with it, it’ll just go away. However, the consequence of that response is one I know all too well. Just because you ignore it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, and in fact it almost always makes it worse. However, regardless of the logical nonsense of that mentality, it still caused some major problems in my life, the foremost being my bombing my second semester of college because I figured that I could just ignore my final papers and everything would be fine in the end. Yeah right.

The responses that generally follow are misguided rationalizations and excuse making. In my mind, that stuff just shows a lack of respect for the other person or for yourself, if it’s you that you’re accountable to. In the end, we all know they’re baloney.

Outright lies tend to come next. This is bad for two reasons. First, it always ALWAYS catches up to you, and when it does it’ll kick you in the teeth much harder than simply owning up to your situation. Secondly, think of what lying to someone’s face does to you as a person, and every time you do it, it gets easier. In addition, imagine being so paranoid all the time because you have a cover story to keep and you need to make sure it holds up or people will figure you out, god forbid.

Really, all of these gut reactions are problematic and the one I’ve adopted now actually stemmed from the last time I had writer’s block this bad. In my first semester of college, I took the hardest class I’ve ever taken: Freshmen Honors Writing Seminar I. I had to write five essays for that class, the fourth of which gave me some serious trouble. After spending two weeks writing something I considered my worst literary offering ever, I called my professor and scheduled a meeting with her for the day before it was due. At said meeting, I had her read my essay and then, when she affirmed that it was in fact quite awful, I threw myself at her feet (figuratively) and begged for mercy (literally). I was completely stumped and had no idea what to do, so I asked for her advice and an extension, both of which, to my great surprise, she gave me. I spent the next 48 hours retooling the whole thing and turned it into my best offering of the semester in any of my classes.

The moral of this story is pretty self-explanatory: when you don’t know what to do, do two things: be honest and pray. If you rationalize and delude yourself into thinking you’re in the clear then you won’t accomplish anything, so the first step is to figure out where you are and how you got there. What’s that they say? The first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. Secondly, in a situation where there’s no hishtadlut for you to do anymore, throw your hands up and pray to God. If you truly believe the Hashem runs the world, then there’s really nothing more powerful than putting yourself at his mercy.

In this instance however, I’m not answerable to Hashem per se, but rather to my fellow bloggers and our dedicated readers, and so I apologize for my lateness; it was my bad, and it won’t happen again. Now put the torches and pitchforks down and get off my lawn if you don’t mind.

Song of the Day: Drained – James LaBrie